When We Forget the Elderly: The Generation That Raised Us Deserves to Be Remembered

There is a quiet kind of loneliness that many elderly people experience.

It isn't always being physically alone.

Sometimes, it is being forgotten.

Forgotten by the grandchildren who used to run through their front doors. Forgotten by the children who once called every day but now call once a month. Forgotten because everyone is busy—working, raising children, building careers, paying bills, scrolling through social media and trying to keep up with life.

And while life keeps moving, an elderly loved one may be sitting quietly in the middle of it all, wondering:

"Does anybody still think about me?"

The people who raised us are aging.

Many of today's elderly spent their lives taking care of everyone else.

They raised children.They worked long hours.They cooked meals.They sacrificed.They drove us places.They opened their homes.They helped us when we needed money.They showed up when we called.

They were there for birthdays, graduations, holidays and difficult seasons.

But eventually, something changes.

Their bodies become weaker. Their memory may not be as sharp. They may need help bathing, preparing meals, getting dressed, cleaning the house or simply getting from one room to another.

And suddenly, the person who spent a lifetime caring for everyone else becomes the person who needs care.

That's when we have to ask ourselves:

Who is showing up for them now?

The youth aren't always intentionally abandoning the elderly.

It's easy to say, "Young people don't care anymore."

But the truth is more complicated.

Many young adults are overwhelmed themselves. They're working multiple jobs, raising children, dealing with financial pressure and trying to build lives of their own.

Sometimes they don't understand what aging actually looks like.

They may think:

"Grandma is fine."

"She can still take care of herself."

"I'll check on her this weekend."

And then one weekend becomes two.

Two becomes a month.

And before anyone realizes it, an elderly loved one has become isolated.

Sometimes the signs are right in front of us.

Maybe Grandma has stopped cooking.

Maybe Grandpa isn't getting out of bed like he used to.

Maybe their house isn't as clean.

Maybe they're wearing the same clothes repeatedly.

Maybe they've lost weight.

Maybe they're struggling to get into the shower.

Maybe they don't answer the phone because they're sleeping most of the day.

Maybe they're afraid to tell anyone that they need help because they don't want to become a burden.

These aren't always signs of someone simply "getting old."

They can be signs that someone is losing their ability to safely care for themselves.

And the earlier we notice, the more we may be able to do.

Don't wait for a crisis to care.

Too often, families become involved when something terrible happens.

A fall.

A hospitalization.

A medication problem.

A missed meal.

A sudden decline.

A trip to the emergency room.

But caregiving shouldn't always begin in an emergency room.

Sometimes it should begin with a phone call.

"Grandma, how are you really doing?"

Not just:

"You good?"

Ask questions.

Have you eaten today?

Are you taking your medications?

Are you getting in the shower?

Are you having trouble walking?

Are you sleeping okay?

Do you need help around the house?

And most importantly:

"What can I do to make life easier for you?"

Visit them.

Call them.

Take them outside.

Bring them their favorite meal.

Sit with them.

Listen to their stories—even if you've heard them 100 times.

Ask them about their childhood.

Ask them about your parents when they were young.

Ask them what life was like before cell phones, the internet and social media.

You may discover that the person you thought you knew has an entire lifetime of stories you've never heard.

And if you can't do it all yourself, that's okay.

Caring for an aging loved one doesn't have to mean one family member does everything.

Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is recognize that your loved one needs additional support.

That might mean a family member stopping by more often.

It might mean hiring a caregiver.

It might mean arranging transportation.

It might mean getting help with meals, bathing, light housekeeping or companionship.

Asking for help isn't abandoning your loved one.

Abandoning them is pretending they don't need help when they do.

We owe them more than a nursing home visit.

This isn't an argument against nursing homes, assisted living or professional care. Sometimes those are exactly what an elderly person needs.

But care should never become something we outsource emotionally.

You can hire someone to help Mom bathe.

You can hire someone to prepare Dad's meals.

You can hire someone to sit with Grandma.

But you can't outsource being her family.

A caregiver can provide the hands-on support.

A family provides something different.

Connection.

History.

Love.

Belonging.

One day, we will be the elderly.

That's the part we don't like to think about.

The young person scrolling past this message today will eventually have gray hair.

The person who says, "I don't have time to visit Grandma," may one day be the person sitting at home hoping someone will visit them.

Aging isn't something that happens to "old people."

Aging is something happening to all of us.

Every birthday brings us closer to becoming the people we are responsible for today.

So let's change the way we look at our elderly.

Don't see them as a burden.

See them as people who have spent decades contributing to our families and communities.

See their wrinkles as evidence of a life lived.

See their slowing down as a reminder that they once carried us.

And when they need us, show up.

Because the generation that raised us deserves to know that they haven't been forgotten.

Don't wait until they need you desperately.

Call them.Visit them.Check on them.Listen to them.Help them.

And if you can't do it alone, get help.

Because aging shouldn't mean becoming invisible.

Home Aide MississippiHelp Is On The Way.